i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
