we're blogging at a bar
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
We are all done wearing pants today
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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