Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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