I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
