last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
