bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
