Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Pants are for mortals
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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