once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
