I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
