we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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