the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
