he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
