Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
