I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
