Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
