Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
soo... how was my night?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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