Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
