How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
