remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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