after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
