He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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