can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
