Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
