Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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