ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
