I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize