wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
