I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
