I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
