one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Come see our sink grown plant.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
