I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize