Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
