Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
