dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
