he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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