I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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