This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
