i used baking grease as lip gloss
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
