I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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