Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
