She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
