if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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