His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Everyone says I win the strip club
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
