I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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