areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
