I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
