Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
