Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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