Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
