so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
