If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
