Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
