I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
