hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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