FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
