I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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