I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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