the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize