The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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