Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
