The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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