dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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