I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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