She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
