Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize