Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize